I was told my life would change when the babe I had carried in my womb for nine long months finally met the world. I had read books to prepare myself. I perused blogs that described peoples' experiences as new parents. I got that last photo in utero of Baby K and couldn't stop staring at it. To an extent, I could see his features- his sweet cheeks and hairy little head. I hung it on the refrigerator, saved it as the background on my phone, and posted it on my online communities. I simply couldn't wait to hold him.
I had no idea what I'd do after he was here. No class or book can teach you that.
The first part of his life was rough, but- I've come to find- normal. He had his issues with reflux, colic, and thrush. I felt helpless when I couldn't always calm my screaming baby boy. The doctors didn't have any answers and all I kept hearing was, "that's not a normal cry." My child was hurting and I wanted to do anything in the world I could to take it away from him.
That's when I realized the full extent of what it is to be a mom.
I just had to love him more than I ever have loved. I needed to fight for him when he needed me to. I had to pray for his well being without ceasing. I had to give this little life all that I could.
Being a mother isn't about diagnosing all ailments immediately. It's not about using the "in" methods of parenting because some "expert" says that's what should be done.
Motherhood is about the exhausted infant snuggles. It's about dragging the floor blanket and a host of toys out for the millionth time today and genuinely focusing on the sweet child in front of me. Motherhood is the precious moments in the morning when I enter his room to get him from his crib- the smiles say I'm happy to see you, Mom and THAT is all the happiness I need for the day.
Writing this brings me to tears because I'm realizing all over again that children are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3), yet I know I don't deserve such a beautiful and perfect gift. As I think about my first Mother's Day that is quickly approaching, I'm so joyful to know that I'm a parent to not one, but soon-to-be two awesome little sweeties.
My cup runneth over.